An Initiation into Man-to-Man Love (and a Welcoming to an Integrated Self) It’s not uncommon for me to find myself initiating a man into the joys of man-in-man love-making. To feel his fervor as he kisses me, clinging so tightly it’s as if flesh and bone were deterrents to closeness… to hold his head to read more..
It’s not uncommon for me to find myself initiating a man into the joys of man-in-man love-making. To feel his fervor as he kisses me, clinging so tightly it’s as if flesh and bone were deterrents to closeness… to hold his head to my chest as he heaves long-repressed tears onto me – first suppressing, then releasing… to see his stunned smile as I take his cock to the balls, and clench… to calm him as he slowly – slowly – receives me inside… to laugh together in the unguarded afterward, reveling in the reality that he has at long last surrendered to a man – a relieved recognition that he has awakened to a vaster experience of living.
As a wide-eyed 18 year old, I got unceremoniously screwed for the first time in a three-way that had me sucking on some 40something year old’s balls while a 30something year old pummeled me in every conceivable position. I gleefully pressed my face into a pillow to prevent high heavens-style screaming in my inexperienced overwhelm. And though this crossing of an invisible line in some random room at the Kalamazoo Radisson Hotel positively evoked what would become a comprehensive education I would casually pursue in the coming years (as a rapacious bottom, a perceptive top, and – now – a beast of virile versatility), I do believe that losing one’s virginity to gain a sense of connectivity is best approached as a rite of passage in a world increasingly so distracted it has all but done away with sacred observances.
Little is more liberating than to be so freed up from what has been held back that a man finds himself in a face-to-face, body-to-body encounter with love. Love for men. Love for himself. For my present living area to contain such love-led turning points, accompanied sometimes by old fears – and always with fresh hopes – is an unparalleled privilege. To wholly explore the essence of a man, and submit to one another, both ushers him into a new era and welcomes me to a consistent awareness of community. Of belonging.
In a time when there is little to dependably and purposefully introduce a man to the passion two men can share, we discover ourselves in an age that more and more uses sex as a means to evade connection when, indubitably, what is truly desired is that very connection. It is a personal pleasure to hold a man’s hand and allow him his rightful custom into the ability to vulnerably approach the virtuosity of love between men. To restoratively support one another in the most unified of acts. To protect and nurture, communicating in wonder-filled words and in sanctified silence.
To the older gentleman who longed to be penetrated for the first time since he had been the victim of sexual violence as a boy: I support you. To the middle-aged man who lay in my arms, trembling, and exclaiming “WOW!” as he took in the familiarity of giving and grasped the art of receiving after the passing of his beloved wife: I support you. To the young guy who I revealed the ins and outs of eating ass to, and taught to “let the bottom have control at first”: Remember to take your time! I support you. We all have our share of shame, and a thirst for self-respect. Everyone comes into this life hungry for the free-for-all of submission. You are far from alone. And you are understood. And by countless others at that!
As for me – inevitably – sweaty and subdued by another man’s scent, I will audibly breathe to myself, “GOD, this is my LIFE!” And I send a blessing to that special man whose life I had the great opportunity to touch, and who validated so much of who I am and the tribe we are both members of. To guide is to be led. To be led is to get filled up. And it’s in that capacity for acceptance and accepting that everything becomes so wonderfully possible. Especially that coming to terms with the “you” you may not ever have acknowledged. And being accompanied into a broader form of manhood and erotic potential – it’s simply… thrilling.
It makes me wonder, in the day-to-day, how we can all secure safe spaces in which each one of us can know ourselves anew. I’m invested in this because, in myriad respects, I am a “first timer” in this life. And I would rather be a real man – understood and loved – than a clamored for and fetishized golden boy. My vocation is in enlightening and enlivening in loving service to mankind. And as for what gets me off between the first and last times: a breakthrough. I really get off on breakthroughs. And I remember each, inimitable one. And I bid you all well into the wider world of men who know themselves through one another. Therein abounds unparallelled promise and an abundance of love.
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