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Wired to Wonder

A Worked Up (and Turned On) Adam Oh, Men Alive! The faint tintinnabulation of yuletide bells accompanying “O Holy Night” in the background on the family cassette player, my heart quickened as I unwrapped what I discovered to be the most thrilling gift I’ve yet to receive: an electric typewriter! How my mother and stepfather read more..

 

A Worked Up (and Turned On) Adam

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Oh, Men Alive!

The faint tintinnabulation of yuletide bells accompanying “O Holy Night” in the background on the family cassette player, my heart quickened as I unwrapped what I discovered to be the most thrilling gift I’ve yet to receive: an electric typewriter! How my mother and stepfather could afford such an extravagance was beyond me; but it was Christmas morning, 1994, that I came upon the concept of “second-hand”. Like the holey hand-me-down sweatpants my stepbrother discarded that I had donned, this humming, pulsating tool – which would help me access my voice and process my turmoil – was accomplished through that somewhat free-for-all allocation.

I gingerly typewrote in our little house on that dead end dirt road deep in the countryside the rest of seventh grade on through my senior year of high school – plugging into poetic license and song lyrics, and punching out personal letters and school reports. It brought me a particular gladness I now can only recapture if I resist the pull of my cell phone, un-prioritized to-do lists, and that close cousin of perfectionism: procrastination. I find myself, at 32, in front of a MacBook Air that is more than worn from worldwide usage – even further along in marvel at all that is than that tender 12-year-old who was staggered enough to seek electrifying lostness amidst the turbulence of adolescence. Now I have the pronounced privilege of obtaining charged escapedness from countless distractions.

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Through this blog (and in responding to your emails and tweets) I try to tap into the current of meshing passed down ideas in order to really bite into life’s forbidden fruits, ransacking this thrift, and easily breathing a big sigh of relief that the eureka moment is in allowing the pressure to be off. I attempt to revive the spirit of the electrically composed.

And I have to wonder if this sense of bliss is in the vibrancy of aliveness and the voltage of existence as experienced in the present. To be lost and found in this twinkling, channeling consciousness and giving it form from my unconsciousness to these fingers to the fronts of your faces. Accessing the all-encompassing.

So often what masquerades as desire is obsession. I choose to ripen joy within myself and through what I do, but joyfulness cannot merely be handed over. It’s a man’s own work. Respecting my vocation, I have been called a “healer,” but I feel more like a “space giver.” And in this expanse I want to exemplify that joie de vivre – that extended delight, inner peace, and acceptance of ambiguity and anguish. It’s possible that the pleasure I give through the act of making love is so all-senses-employed powerful and appeals so much to something beyond two intertwined men that I frequently find myself telling clients “take it with you.” It doesn’t stop with me. “Man Alive!” is my struggling to not be a counterfeit and – instead – to push toward what I feel compelled to do for myself and my community. The act of merging and mishmashing for the sake of supplying a sample of awe through bolts of a familiar delight in our common humanity. Our analogous experience.

So inundated with information and prospects in the modern era, we have developed a limited capacity for astonishment at a given thing’s origin or application. All this contact, but so seldom much context. I want to mull things over and be elated by the details in order to ride a massive theme… that I’m approaching.

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So here’s to that pre-teen who began typing himself away within his own confines into limitless feelings, and to comforting him through discovering myself overjoyed by anything that instigates this wonderment. And whatever comes about has just got to be good. I once found myself key-punching against fear and anxiety; now, the hunt-and-peck has me in a juvenile-ish hoping and groping. And in a couple weeks, when I start scrawling outside of the seeming security of these “introductory letters” – considering myself in self-imposed exile against my own constraints – I’m going to be fearfully and wonderfully gleeful!

SO after a life of motion and reaching, it seems the greatest frontier of all is the inner world in an industry and island and overall culture that strives toward the external, mistaking the symbol for the thing itself. In this final note, I simply want to assert that I intend for “Man Alive!” to be an exercise in altruism, patience, and humility. Giving to myself and my tribe the gifts of pace, space, and surrender.

Do give yourselves the gifts of pace, space, and surrender this holiday season and on into 2015.

Simply,

Adam

PS – If you are encouraged by “Man Alive!”, consider sending it along as an inspirational present via Facebook, Twitter, Google+, or email.

Add a Response 23 thoughts on “Wired to Wonder

  1. As all these beautiful men have stated in their responses, you are indeed a healer. But I would go a step further. I’ve always thought of you as a SOUL HEALER. I think one of the things that make our encounters with you truly magical is the way you have somehow managed to preserve the innocent captivity and sense of boyhood wonder. So many of us have lost this over the years. I am late to respond… but I read this post around Christmas time, and it caused me to loop up from my laptop, look up at my Christmas tree and simply get lost in the memories of childhood gifts I waited for. It allowed me to dream of the spiritual and experiential gifts I anticipate in manhood… The moments in which I long to loose myself completely and just surrender the of love and self-acceptance.

  2. It is very hard to believe that, just a mere twenty years ago, the receipt of an electric typewriter as a Christmas Present could illicit such an excited response. How far we have come! However, as you so well put it, “So inundated with information and prospects in the modern era, we have developed a limited capacity for astonishment at a given thing’s origin or application. All this contact, but so seldom much context.” We have so much information, too much information; but do we understand from whence it comes, do we understand what to do with it? I fear that sometimes we do not.

    I would also like to comment on your comment about yourself. You are both a “healer” and a “space-giver” and a “pleasure-sharer.” Having experienced the miracle of your hands and yourself first hand, i know of what i speak. And you do exemplify that “joie de vivre – that extended delight, inner peace” and positiveness that makes you so compelling. Thank you, in the season of gift giving, for the gift of yourself!

    • What an immensely thoughtful message, Bill. Thank you for sharing your pleasure and your glorious self, dear man. Soon… Adam

  3. Adam, you are a healer. I once read about the concept called “wounded healers”. It strikes me that our wounds have the ability to help us be in the space with others with similar wounds because we can recognize them because we experienced them in our own life. I believe any wounds you might have experienced only helps you to be with others and help them through their own because you can relate. I think we all want someone to “get” us, to understand us. You certainly do “get” us because you have a great understanding of the human condition and all it’s potential and possibility. Wishing all the best in 2015 “wounded healer”

  4. Hi Adam….I love the idea of a healer being a space giver…healing is holy…a holy man is nothing but space, and can take another’s pain or energy and let it flow through him. You are a space giver…..and that is holy.
    Merry, happy, wonderful year to you.

  5. Adam, I loved how you stated “I have been called a “healer”, but I feel more like a “space giver.” I feel that being a healer is all about creating a positive, safe space for people to heal. That is half of what I do…creating space. 🙂 I love how you put this… “So inundated with information and prospects in the modern era, we have developed a limited capacity for astonishment at a given thing’s origin or application. All this contact, but so seldom much context.” We really have been conditioned to just glance over, look over, not pay attention to what is really right in front of us. We are humans, we are on a journey, we are healing, we are evolving, we are experimenting and WE as HUMANS are just so damn lovely, complicated and intriguing. BUT we have forgotten to take the time to see and experience this and enjoy this in one another. I think it’s amazing that you are able to identify this and find a way to give others space to heal while offering yourself the same space to allow yourself to heal. People can live their entire lives without experiencing both of these things let alone find a way to experience them both simultaneously. Who would have thought that this lost young man in the backwoods of Delton MI would flower into such an amazing and now worldly man that you are. Giving back to the world is the most gratifying experience humans can have. Whether that is through supplying children with clean water or offering your words and humility to all so that they may find solace and peace in order for them to grow…it’s really the most giving thing you can do with your life, to give your life to others…truly amazing. I am so happy knowing that you are finding your voice, giving back to the community and healing all through this blog. When you first stated you would write a blog I thought for sure I will read it and enjoy it but maybe it would just be about specific how-to’s in the gay world. Never did I think a blog could be so full of emotion, humility and life.

    Keep them coming!

  6. Tintinnabulation? I had to google it. I look forward to expanding my vocabulary via your blog posts in 2015. As well as expanding my consciousness. Have a great holiday! See you in the new year.

  7. Thank you as always for your amazing insight and words. I send you and your followers the same gift of Peace, Space and Surrender. I cannot wait for us to to surrender to each other in 2015.

  8. Happy Hanukkah handsome man! You are finding your voice and encouraging us all to find ours in our different circumstances and similar paths. You are a blessing. Merriment to you and yours and many blessings.

  9. I love to read your thoughts, you never cease to amaze. Cheers to the New Year!!
    To-do lists,perfectionism, procrastination, are the barriers holding us back from pure creativity. It takes a strong mind to resist temptation, but a man is stronger when he has faced temptation in the eyes.Until we meet , the next generation is in the hands of the present, we learn from you.

    • Cheers indeed, “L”! I await a magical week together as lovers in the Big Apple, and am honored that you’ve chosen me to escort you into “25” and an entirely new era as a self-realized gay man. A gentle kiss… Adam

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