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Sex and Money (Part One)

Employing Symbols to Better Approach the Source I was asked by Stanley Siegel, psychotherapist and founder of Psychology Tomorrow Magazine, to author an article on “the currency of money” for the forward-focused masterwork’s 17th issue. Here, on “Man Alive!,” I’ve separated my upcoming coming-out-of-sorts to the general public into two parts. I hope you enjoy read more..

 

Employing Symbols to Better Approach the Source

Money1

I was asked by Stanley Siegel, psychotherapist and founder of Psychology Tomorrow Magazine, to author an article on “the currency of money” for the forward-focused masterwork’s 17th issue. Here, on “Man Alive!,” I’ve separated my upcoming coming-out-of-sorts to the general public into two parts. I hope you enjoy it and find further insight “at the intersection of art and psychology”!

I recently relocated to New York after years as a gadabout abroad. While somewhere specific globally, I would find myself in some elusive elsewhere experientially, as my world became one photo op after another by some famed monument, supported by a hoard of whoring.

Somehow, in the wake of prescribed want and perpetual movement, I landed in Hell’s Kitchen, hell-bent on making meaning, less money-minded and more mindful of the man with me in a given instant. Here in my homeland, I have come to appreciate again and again the benefits of having been an outlander, a border-walker, one intimate with the margins, and the forbidden beyond – a man broadened by the perception of how he came to typify money as it relates to sex and, ultimately, how sex and money now signify his interpretation of well-being.

In the West, we tend to manufacture experience, treating currency like it’s concrete, mindlessly multitasking while we discount that, under the surface, funds solely serve to current wealth around. Money abounds, though we frequently fail to accept that wealth – yes, well-being – is the multi-faceted outpouring we can all open-handedly access as it bubbles up from abundance to a momentary – monetary – exchange of meaning.

Money1a

As with most sex workers – queer, male, white, American, or otherwise – I was reared in the lower classes. Like most people, I initially approached my profession as a pecuniary measure, then constructed my character around it. Now, superficially, I’m simply a stiffened product, another purveyor of stifling consumerism. But, of course, there’s more to the story than that.

Unlike the majority of sensual service providers, I approached this vocation as an idealist, motivated by the prospect of endless titillation. I enjoyed European forays of tender-but-soul-sucking bouts of illegal hole-fucking to finance vacations in Africa and Asia. But I gradually chose to channel the effort into working through my own previously disregarded shame.

Over these past five years, I’ve come to regard myself as more fitted for the task at hand the more I permit my craft to shape itself – and reshape the man I am. I have gone from having inherited a synthesis of advantages that facilitated cross-cultural, intercontinental vagabondage, just to wash back up on America’s shores and find such exchanges immensely effortless and intensely connected.

An exile on the island of Manhattan, coming to know myself, my tribe, and my culture anew, I feel more a well-to-be man than well-to-do, in a historically proletariat profession. I principally go down on the upper classes, encouraging surrender during services rendered, all the while tucked away from the comings and goings of a gridlocked city. Opened up in a trade mired by exploitation, an inevitable mutuality of healing transpires as I cast myself, exposed, as each man’s equal. Here, he and I deferentially, desirously venerate our vulnerable selves in welcomed togetherness, embodying a cultural undercurrent of the transition from attachment to symbols toward oneness with the Source. Money, on balance, is not wealth. And sex, by itself, certainly isn’t love. Neither guarantees well-being.

And it seems to me that as we wage war against sexual actualization, we are actually raging in opposition to ourselves. And the more we position ourselves in a striving for money, the more we discredit our inherent wealth and drive ourselves away from the Source.

Paralleling the impression driving the bulk of financial dealings, the mass of my lovers truly believe they are coming to purchase what they lack, and are shocked to find themselves in an expansiveness of man-handling and soul-healing – shining a light on what they already have access to: their fractured, perfect selves.

Money2

Thousands of men have witnessed the presentation of “Simply Adam,” as I’ve branded myself for rat-race stopping points such as RentBoy.com, where gentlemen are further tipped over onto a frantic treadmill of hedonistic window-shopping, an erratic eroticism with promises of frenetic flings. A horde of men, framed as extraordinarily handsome common hookers, hustling in unnecessary competition, conforming to fit in uniformed boxes, boxed in an uncropped, photo-shopped premise of deposited fulfillment, all promising to cater to a craving for action, servants to the zealous siren-song of our zeitgeist, propelled and deposed by technological distraction. Yet, one by one, these seekers come undone as I guide their transcendence from consumerist options to inhabit an unprecedented aliveness with a safe man, in a contained space.

In surrendering any fear of financial scarcity, any personal identification with influence or power, I am empowered to welcome these men into an expanse that surpasses segmented longing, fiscal lust, and the repressiveness of pride as it all crumbles into a sweaty clump of humbled humanity. Here, under the covers, presence takes precedence over productivity, and purpose triumphs over a proclivity for Ponzi profits. We open ourselves up to take lip-locked charge as we flip and flop into chanced contact with all that lay within us, and beyond the bedroom. In a cancellation culture, where plans can change on a dime, time with each other highlights the going-nowhereness of hedonism, and points a man to the chosen somewhereness of a provoked happenstance that evokes the someoneness of our uncommodified, undeferred selves.

From the massage table to the mattress pad, I supply men the Almighty Dick as a model of mannish passion as they relinquish any demand for that which they initially wished to receive with the Almighty Dollar.

We renounce all that old shame in our shared “otherness,” and all the socially established blame placed on sex and money, as one recounts the other; he enters me, and we intertwine, freely exploring our common queerness, wielding well-being in yielding to our sensual selves.

(To finish this article, click here.)

Add a Response 24 thoughts on “Sex and Money (Part One)

  1. Adam, Such an interesting article, I am so happy that you wrote this and that you are finding the light that is in all of us through who you are and what you do. Though our paths have not crossed yet in real time, it is interesting for me to read this and know that you are a real man full of life and the pursuit of bringing out the happiness in all of us including you. Thank you for sharing your journey.

  2. Adam, this article and “coming out” story has truly touched me. I haven’t had the honor to see you yet but it is my plan to do so mostly because of what you have written and what others have written of you.

    Although I considered myself open minded, it has never been my intention to seek a human connection with money, or so I thought. As I’ve grown older though, I’ve realized that in our current society, we pay for all sorts of connections with others such as therapists, doctors, and trainers. However, society has placed a negative stigma on certain professions, which ultimately is a connection between two parties – not with society or a government.

    I don’t know what will be in store as your story reaches the masses but I am confident you are helping society progress, and it will be liberating, give you more freedom to be a tool for change, and ultimately help humanity in this modern yet complex society. You are a rare gem and I only wonder how many more will follow your career path as you show the world that you can use your gifts to truly heal others.

    Thank you for your writings. I have much to still catch up on but I hope you realized how instrumental and helpful your words are to the world.

    -Jimmy

    • Jimmy – thank you! I took something away from your commentary that I will ponder. Thanks for being on this sense-making journey with me… and I do hope our paths cross in “real time.” 🙂 Adam

  3. This is a very interesting take on the sex trade and your thoughts on it. It’s very honest especially with your take on Rent boy and the box many in the pleasure industry fit into. I’ve often wondered how those in the business are able to do what they do and I’m not talking in the moralistic sense but rather just in the getting in the mood sense and being with those they may not usually be with. This offers one of the first insights to it.

  4. ¡Bravo, amigo mío! “You -certainly- have renounced all that old shame in our shared otherness”. Now, you have crossed you personal Rubicon, and by doing so, you not only find internal peace and absolute freedom -from now on, there is nothing to hide- but open new routes for the rest of the flock. It is up to us to find a meaninful interpretation of your bold actions. You know I wish you the best and you will always find solidarity within our community, but you might encounter hostility and scorn from other sectors of society, even those closer to you. I have no doubt that you possess the strenght to face whatever circumstances your actions might generate but, from my personal side, and in any circunstances, I can offer you my always extended hand.
    Finally, it is true that sex is not love, but even in the most casual of the encounters , there must be a certain degree of human interconnection, if we are not going to become mere climatic machines spitting semen. Once again: Congratulations and enjoy the moment! It seems all the stars are aligned in a promisory sky.

    • ¡Gracias, Gil! Yes – all feels aligned and all seems promising. It’s an exciting time, and I treasure this support! Adam

  5. Adam – how did you become so wise at such a young age? I look forward to venerating our shared vulnerability with you in the near future, and wish you all the best as you pursue your own personal growth through your writing. Continue to always drink deeply from the cup of Life. We will savor each moment we have together.

  6. Your article is yet more proof of your generosity of spirit, Adam. I hope you know there is great value in what you do, in your unique combination of work, analysis, and warmth. You are a rare warrior against shame who has access to the core of so much shame, sex. I hope you continue to write about what you do. The world needs more poets of sex, more dispellers of fear, more Walt Whitmans.

  7. Adam,

    So brave to step out into the public with this story. I’m so proud to know you, and Yes, thank goodness to be able to experience you. Much Love and Admiration!!

  8. Excellent article, Adam! Quite the step opening up like this so publicly. I look forward to reading next week’s part, as well as hearing how this step is received!

    Congrats! & Cheers!
    Jeff

  9. Did you go to a liberal arts college? The question is less an attempt on my part to invade your private life and more a comment on your rhetoric which seems to me to be sociological/anthropological in nature. Your article is absolutely fascinating to me because with everything I’ve seen on your site and even your texts you’ve managed to develop the obvious mass appeal and attraction people have for you and make it seem holistic. There seems to be an incredibly detail oriented vision you convey which some would consider effective and superior branding. It’s a given You are incredibly attractive to many people but it’s the feeling you convey that any man you come across is special which is at face value somewhat of a contradiction when a monetary value is placed on each moment. All that said, save for seeming slightly verbose which I am guilty of as well, your article is incredibly well written, cogent and concise. If you wrote it without the assistance of a proofreader it’s amazing. With a proofreader it’s still amazing. You seem to have created an above and beyond cohesiveness which is the crux of why I want to come see you. My wanting to meet you is by no means a fantasy or delusion of wanting to be the “one,” which I’m sure you get a lot and may even promote. To the contrary, besides my obvious erotic visceral reaction, it’s my impression that you have an expertise which is almost academic that makes me want to come to you for advice which I’m hoping will be therapeutic besides the obvious. Well I think I’ve written enough and I hope my comments were constructive. Basically it’s the idea that I could learn a thing or two and feel comfortable asking you is what’s appealing. Ha ok. No more War and Peace. Have a nice weekend.

    • Thanks for this thoughtful comment, Paul. We’ll talk more in person next week and, rest assured, I am not “the one.” 🙂 Warmly, Adam

  10. I’ll give you all I’ve got to give
    If you say you love me too
    I may not have a lot to give
    But what I’ve got I’ll give to you
    I don’t care too much for money
    For money can’t buy me love

    Can’t buy me love
    Everybody tells me so
    Can’t buy me love
    No no no, no
    –The Beatles, “Can’t Buy Me Love.”

    Adam,

    Sex and love may not be dependent on each other, but you are, indeed, peddling love: self-love!

    I can hardly wait to read the second part of your provocative essay. This is an exciting new chapter in your life. Brave and true.

    Much, uh–love!
    Chris

    • What has gotten into you, Chris? I read this as though it was coming from some wildly jovial creature of life! To that bubbling self-love! Much, uh-love back! And !!!s too!!! Adam

  11. Adam,
    One of the most beautiful quality that you possess is the fact that when I was with you I never felt that I was with a “sex worker”. You have the ability to make a man feel special without making it obvious. You never seemed to watch the clock or say that the time is up. The 2 hours that I was there it felt like I was at a friends house. You give your trade a good name. Be ready for me in the fall!

    • And you gave me a magnificent, connected experience as well, Eric. Thank you… And – yes – I’m getting ready now. Adam

  12. Wow, this is indeed a big step! I hope that it results in nothing but good things for you, and for all the men who will find connection with you.

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